Local Railroad Find

milquetoast · Feb 12, 2015

Came across this interesting story from a local railroad worker. He was responding to a question about creepy or weird things on tracks while driving trains.

Not an engineer, but I do operate a HyRail truck with train wheels on it that zips down the railroad tracks...

I was working in the port of Metro Vancouver, and had to measure out 2500 feet from where we were working to do a certain regulatory test, so I jumped in my truck and reset my counter and went on my way. I arrived at my 2500 foot stop and jumped out to spray paint the railroad tie, to mark that spot for the rest of the crew. I then realized I had no spray paint, nothing in the whole truck. I searched for a little flag I could put up but had none of those either. I ended up searching the ground for something like a stick or garbage that I could just leave there in the middle of the tracks for the time being.

Now, down in the part of Vancouver, the tracks basically run parallel to Hastings Street, and for those of you who have never heard of it, it's basically the world's biggest confined heroin problem. Drugs Inc. Actually did their heroin episode down there. Anyway, you always find crazy shit along the tracks there, if it's not a body, it's 500 hypodermic needles.

So in this giant pile of garbage, I find an old bbq, complete with a set of bbq tools like tongs and brush etc. I thought it would be pretty funny if I just set up a bbq in the middle of the tracks (we were working there so no chance of a train hitting it) so I went to move the bbq and found, no joke, the biggest, longest, girthiest dildo I have ever seen in my life, even to this day. It was at least 3 feet long and had to have been almost a foot in circumference. Who is buying this type of thing..

I decided this would be the best thing to mark the location with. I ended up finding a couple old random shoes in that pile and, armed with my tongs I found earlier and a pair of gloves, I managed to jam the dildo, balls first obviously, into one of the shoes and got it to stand upright all by itself. I really wish I was able to have my phone at work, I would have had a good picture for you guys.

Anyway, with that spot marked for the next guy, I put my truck into reverse and headed back to the crossing we were working at. I arrived and the foreman at the time was asking how I marked the footage without taking the paint, I told him that he would eventually find out when we got there.

We packed everything up and were waiting for a train on the opposite track to go by us when the trains brakes hammered on and started screeching. Scared the shit out of all of us. Now when a train goes into emergency, everything stops and the traffic controller is on the radio immediately. We were all told to stay where we were as there had been a person struck by a train just half a mile from our jobsite. We took our truck off the tracks and headed down the parallel road to see what had happened.

When we arrived we found a CP police officer and 3 port authority vehicles there, all parked right beside where I had left my uh.. "marker"

With the way that it had looked, how thick it was and the fact that the top of it was red, I guess one of the port authority officers thought it was a severed leg and called it in to stop all trains in the area and call the police force as well.

The look on my foremans face was priceless when he looked back at me, after looking at the 4 grown men standing around a 3 foot high dildo stuffed into a dirty reebok...

We didn't say a word to anybody about it as I'm sure we would all be in shit..

I realize now that this is probably not the response you were looking for and I'm almost certain you had to be there to really appreciate how ridiculous this was but, you know what, this is all you're getting from me.

I hauled half a dead bear off the tracks on my second day working for this company. I've also seen a few dead bodies of people committing suicide by train but, they're just laying in the ditch, they didn't ever end up exploding like I thought they would..
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Local Railroad Find

milquetoast Senior Member

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